Marriage is Like Baking a Batch of Cookies
If you want to make the perfect batch of cookies, you must follow a few important rules.
• Measure the ingredients accurately
• Heat the oven to the correct temperature
• Mix ingredients with love
• Make sure the cookies are not too large, too small or too close together.
• Set a timer for optimal baking.
Nurturing a relationship is similar to making a batch of cookies. First of all, we need to measure the ingredients accurately. Relationships need to be balanced. In a healthy relationship everyone is getting their needs met.
The Law of Love states that we need to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Many people are good at one or the other. Brett R. Williams, author of You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married, says that women are often really good at loving others. Women are quick to put aside their own needs in order to make sure their children or husbands are getting their needs met.
Men on the other hand are good at meeting their own needs. Williams explains that both parties need to make sure their own needs are being met in the relationship in order to keep it balanced.
Like baking cookies, the needs of each person and the needs of the couple need to be blended together for a pleasant consistency. When placing cookies on the cookie sheet, you need to make sure they are even in size and not too close together. Likewise, each person's demands need to be about the same size and for practical reasons they need to be spread out a little.
For example, several weeks ago my husband took off to Boy Scout Camp for the week with our two sons. He had a great time snorkeling, hiking, and hanging out with the kids. I encouraged him to take time to do that because I knew he really wanted to and that he would really enjoy it. A few weeks from now I will take off with my girlfriends for a weekend of scrapbooking and girl-talk.
Giving each other personal time is one way to make sure our individual needs are met. However, each person needs to be responsible to inform their spouse about what they need. Our needs vary greatly as individuals and we cannot assume our partner knows what we need. Like setting a precise temperature on the oven or setting the timer for cooking, being clear about what you need as an individual and clearly articulating this to your partner will benefit your relationship. Case in point, my husband is an extrovert and loves to be with other people including me. I enjoy time with others, but find I need time by myself in order to really love others when I am with them.
It is important for us to find a balance in scheduling our days together so that we are both getting our needs met. On a typical Saturday, Brett will take care of the kids in the morning so that I can have time to exercise and meditate. Later in the day we make a point of doing many things together including errands, helping kids with homework and preparing meals. It takes time and practice to learn to bake the perfect batch of cookies. Balancing the needs of each individual in a relationship is not difficult, but it does take some time and attention, to develop the perfect recipe for your happiness.
Brett and Lynda Williams would like to invite you to visit Help Talking and learn more about how to save your marriage.
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